Don't touch that candy, kid!

Kimberly Daniels, a preacher and guest writer for Pat Robertson's website, has declared that your child's Halloween candy might not be safe! In fact, according to Daniels, "most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches."

This lady is certifiable. I wish my limited powers of ridicule could do justice to the idiocy of her column, but the job is too much for any mere mortal. Here is a link to the article at Charisma Magazine (Pat Robertson's website actually took it down!), and here is a link to a great critique from atheist examiner. I'll leave you with some of the more laughable quotes.

"The key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated." It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure."

"I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference."

"Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon."

"The word "occult" means "secret." The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:

* Sex with demons
* Orgies between animals and humans
* Animal and human sacrifices
* Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
* Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
* Revel nights
* Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
* Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant."

I just want to know what kind of Halloween parties this lady has been going to, and how I can get invited!

Blasphemy Friday: Indie Jesus Plays Gig at a Gay Bar!

This is a picture of my friend Jordan Bancroft-Smithe (sorry it's a bit dark), who was Indie Jesus for Halloween. The best part was that his band had a gig this evening at a gay bar in Waterloo called Kings and Queens. It was a good show, especially with Indie Jesus on the violin! Rock on, Jee!

Thursdays with Seth #3: Lotion, Grandmas, and Bathroom Stalls

The most recent photograph of Seth Coster.

Welcome to the third installment of Thursdays with Seth. In this episode, I, Seth Coster, finance director of UNIFI, will lube you up with some lotion, graph some baked goods, go in-depth about bathroom stalls, and blaspheme about profanity. And don't forget your atheist finance tip of the week! Prepare to be Milky Wayed. Watch out for the caramel; it's sticky, and it's about to get all up in your face.

LOTIONOMICS!
These days, it's hard to keep your lotion on. When your hands are dry and cracking, you lunge for your good old bottle-o-lube to soften things up. But wait! With a swine flu epidemic going around, how do you keep your lotion soaked into your flesh with all of this hand washing? Is there a more economical way to make your skin silky and smooth? That's a great question, and the answer is simple.

Lube up before you sleep!

If you slather your entire body in lotion before you go to bed, you have a reduced chance of washing it off with hot, soapy water. Also, to ensure that your clothing doesn't rub the lotion off, be sure to sleep completely in the nude. And leave your door unlocked. WINK!

GRANDMAS ARE AMAZING!

Cookie deliciousness is measured on a scale of 0 to 250, with 100 being defined as "completely delicious." As we move up to 200, we approach "mouthgasm," and anything beyond 200 is typically known as a "tongue orgy." It's standard taste-testing terminology.

Also, this graph is sexist. What a dick.

THE SOUND OF MILD EXERTION!
All public restrooms should have music. Recently I found myself trapped in a public restroom above the dining center. It was completely and utterly silent. I was alone. Suddenly, the door BURST open. A man came sprinting in, panting heavily. He tore open the door of the stall next to mine and began attending to his business. There was a moment of calm.

Then, for the next five minutes, the dead silence was juxtaposed with the sounds of this large man grunting under the stress of mildly exerting his sphincter. GRUNT *pause* GRUNT *pause* GRUUUNT!

I was getting far more intimate with this man than I preferred to be. As a result, I am starting a petition to ensure that all US public bathrooms have music playing to drown out the grunts. Sign your name in the comment section below to join the movement.

LOOK OUT! IT'S SOMETHING HARMLESS!
Childhood innocence stems from the fact that children don't know very much. They are innocent because they haven't seen very much of the world, they don't understand human nature, and people think that children need to be shielded from the truth about the world as a result.

Why do we worship the idea of childhood innocence? Knowing nothing about the world is a horrible thing. We should be seeking knowledge, not hiding from it! On Blasphemy Day, someone asked me, "Would you want your child to see what was written on the sidewalk?" I didn't even hesitate. "ABSOLUTELY!" While the writings on the sidewalk may not be knowledge in and of itself, it would easily prompt my child to ask questions. "Who wrote that? What does it mean? Why did they do it?" If, instead of discussing it with him, I hid his eyes and shielded him from it, he would grow up to be one of those people who burst into tears at the slightest indication that he could be wrong about something.

Whether it's nudity, blasphemy, or profanity, people are obsessed with protecting themselves from harmless things. If we see a naked person walking down the street, why do we avert our eyes? What is it about the naked human body that is inherently dangerous to witness? We all see ourselves naked multiple times a day (about twelve for me).

And the same thing goes for profanity. If a man stubs his toe and shouts, "AH, FFFFF .. UDGE POPS!" We know he meant "FUCK!" Even when we know what someone means to say, we prefer them to replace it with something else. I submit that there is nothing inherently wrong with any profanity whatsoever. The only reason it's "bad" is that we have all collectively decided that it's bad. If we stop caring about it so god-damn much, it won't be bad anymore. We give words power by the way we react to them.

Of course, blasphemy also falls into this category. It's only "bad" because we react to it as though it is. And if we mix blasphemy with profanity... holy shit. That is when the eucharist hits the fan. I have some advice for anyone who is offended by seeing words or images that they have decided are bad: DON'T LOOK AT THEM.

CFI Action Alert: Faith-Based Health Care?

I got this email this morning from CFI, thought I'd pass it on. I'm emailing this today, please do the same if you feel that faith based or alternative medicine should not be on the table here, especially if we end up with the public option (I don't want to pay for alternative medicine, do you?). Here is the sample email:

Subject: OPPOSE THE MANDATE THAT INSURANCE PLANS COVER NON-EVIDENCE BASED ALTERNATIVE TREATMENTS

Dear [decision maker name],

As a friend of the Center for Inquiry, I ask that you oppose any clause in health care reform mandating that insurers cover non-evidence based, alternative, religious, or spiritual treatments. The Center for Inquiry is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization devoted to the advancement of science and reason and defending separation of church and state.

Currently, language in both S. 1679, the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee's version of health care reform, and H.R. 3200 America's Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009, the primary House bill, mandate that any insurance company participating in the new insurance exchange must cover alternative medical treatments under a non-discrimination clause. The alternative treatments, as exemplified in the bills, do not have any substantial data to show that they actually improve a patient's well-being. Any covered health care services should be based on factual data showing that such services improve the health of Americans.

If Congress requires that insurers cover alternative treatments such as Christian Science prayer, therapeutic touch, or other non-evidence based medical procedures, the cost of health care for all Americans will go up. If insurance companies are required to pay for these services, they will pass that increased cost onto policyholders. This runs counter to the goal that Congress has laid out: to make health care more affordable for all Americans.

Furthermore, if the final version of health care reform includes a public option, this mandate would also force the public insurance plan to cover these treatments. Because the public option is federally funded, the inclusion of the mandate would represent an egregious violation of the principle of separation of church and state. While not all alternative medical treatments are religious in nature, some of them are, and federal support should not be lent to any religious practice, medical or otherw ise.

America needs a health care system that focuses on increasing the health of individuals and reducing the cost of coverage. This type of health care system is not possible if insurers are required to pay for medical treatments with results that are questionable, at best. We call on Congress to ensure that if it mandates that insurance plans cover medical treatments, that those treatments both have a sound medical basis and do not violate the separation of church and state.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

Obama administration has rethought blasphemy?

This is why I hate politics. You never know if people that change their mind are talking out of both sides of their mouth to try and please everyone, or if they have actually reconsidered an issue. With that in mind, I am guardedly thrilled to share with you that the Obama administration has denounced the blasphemy laws endorsed by the UN Human Rights Council. You can read more about it here.

Said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: "The protection of speech about religion is particularly important since persons of different faith will inevitably hold divergent views on religious questions...These differences should be met with tolerance, not with the suppression of discourse."

Her assistant Michael Posner agreed. He could have been any Blasphemy Day participant when he said, "The notion that a religion can be defamed and that any comments that are negative about that religion can constitute a violation of human rights to us violates the core principle of free speech."

This move comes not long after the compromise with Egypt over blasphemy laws, which is downplayed in this article: "Posner was part of a delegation at the Human Rights Council that successfully negotiated with Egypt a compromise over another similar resolution that had aimed to condemn religion-related harassment or discrimination."

That feels slimy to me. Now the rest of us get to sift through the bullshit and figure out if the administration supports free speech or not...

Links for the Sabbath - 10/25/09

Sorry I'm a day late. Blame Nick and Trevor. ;)

•Hitchens on FORA TV



•'Crash' Director Paul Haggis Ditches Scientology | The Villiage Voice
I am only ashamed that I waited this many months to act. I hereby resign my membership in the Church of Scientology.

•The Fact of Evolution | New York Times - Daniel Dennett

•“If you can’t trust Jesus, you can’t trust anyone.” | The Beattitude

Jesus claimed to be the Son of God and is quoted confirming scripture in the gospels over and over again. This leads you to only 3 rational conclusions. Jesus is the Son of God and is confirming that the Old Testament stories are true. Jesus was a liar and a lunatic. Or the gospels are false testimony with inaccurate quotations of a man that may or may not have actually existed. So I ask Christians, which is it?

•Cleanliness is next to godliness: New research shows clean smells promote moral behavior | Science Blog

•The Universe turned 6013 this last week!!

•We Are All Connected | Symphony of Science


•CFI Opposes “Defamation of Religions” Resolution at the UN | Center For Inquiry - Derek C. Araujo

•Give us your misogynists and bigots | Washington Post - Richard Dawkins

What major institution most deserves the title of greatest force for evil in the world? In a field of stiff competition, the Roman Catholic Church is surely up there among the leaders.

•Faleh Almaleki Runs Over Daughter in Attempted 'Honor Killing' | True Crime Report

•Somali Islamists whip women for wearing bras | Reuters

•Blasphemy Laws in the U.S.? | Proud Atheists

•Collision: Is Religion Absurd or Good for the World? | The Huffington Post - Christopher Hitchens and Douglas Wilson

Last fall, we went on tour debating the topic "Is Religion Good For The World?" Our arguments were captured on film for a new documentary, Collison. Are our morals dictated to us by a supreme entity or do discoveries made by science and reason, make Atheism a natural conclusion? You decide.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christopher-hitchens/collision-is-religion-abs_b_326673.html

•Oprah vs atheists in Denmark


•I'm with Goldy! PZ's comment on the incident.


•If It Says So (English)


"Those who stay in America should be open to society without melting, keeping Mosques open so anyone can come and learn about Islam. If you choose to live here, you have a responsibility to deliver the message of Islam ... Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faiths, but to become dominant. The Koran, the Muslim book of scripture, should be the highest authority in America, and Islam the only accepted religion on Earth." Omar Ahmad - Co-Founder of the Council on American-Islamic Relations(CAIR)

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Pharyngula: Baby Branding

From PZ Myers' blog: Pharyngula

"This is Ali, a six month old baby in Southern Russia.



It's a miracle! Every Monday and Thursday, fresh quotations from the Quran 'magically' appear on his legs, belly, or arms when he's home alone with his mommy and daddy, and then the pilgrims show up in the thousands to give the happy family lots and lots of attention. I simply can't imagine how red marks might appear on the delicate skin of a young baby while under the care of doting, attentive parents, or why anyone might cheat and fake a miracle…can you?..."

Blasphemy Friday: Wake up, America

I'm a huge fan of Pat Condell. His newest video literally gave me goosebumps, and since it is so appropriate, I thought I would share it with you for Blasphemy Friday. Enjoy:

Thursdays with Seth #2: Inventing a religion!

WELCOME!
To the second edition of Thursdays with Seth, here on your local UNIFI blog! This week, I, Seth Coster, finance director of UNIFI, will be inventing a religion. We'll have to postpone the finance tip of the week and other random thoughts for next week, because this shit is IMPORTANT!

CHURCH OF THE CHOCOLATE NINJA!
We are in danger of losing our freedom of speech. With a collective U.N. effort to enact global blasphemy laws, our free speech rights are teetering on the edge of oblivion. However, our freedom of religion will stay. Even though the US government cannot make laws respecting an establishment of religion, religious institutions don't pay taxes. And if blasphemy laws actually make it to the books here in the US, religious institutions will also be able to say and do whatever they want, and they can't be criticized.

Clearly the only solution to this is to invent a religion that requires blaspheming other religions. By using blasphemy as a religious practice, we will be protected by the state. Because after all, not blaspheming other religions would be blasphemy to our religion, which would be illegal. It's a loop-hole in the system that nobody seems to have caught. Plus, we could weasel our way out of paying taxes.

So I'll be starting a religion today. Keep in mind that this is a religion, which means that it is founded upon scientific data, research, empirical evidence, schematics, lab reports, bunson burners, confidence intervals, and fail-safe documentation and record-keeping. Of course, all of this data is secured safely in my dorm room in my mini-fridge, stored in a magical, invisible compartment that nobody can see (other than me). Now that you are convinced of my credibility, it's time to get down into the spiritual mud.

THE STORY!
The universe began as a hole. Out of the hole came Steve, the Chocolate Ninja. By chocolate I don't mean black. I mean that he is made of chocolate. Steve hates holes, so the first thing he did was cut the hole in half with his chocolate sword. This, of course, was how the universe was created. All of the (two) pieces of the hole were scattered all over the nothingness, and one of those pieces magically became a pile of chopsticks, which Steve used to create life, obviously.

There are some other details in there, but that's all ancient history. The important thing to realize is that Steve is dangerous. He's a ninja, after all. After he created life and humankind, he realized that it was probably a bad idea. It turned out that people were generally stupid and would do anything they were told, and Steve was kind of pissed about this.

He wanted to chop everyone on the Earth in half with his chocolate sword, but he was very busy and didn't want to take the time. So he talked to a few crazy people in caves, on the tops of mountains, and in other remote locations, telling them conflicting stories about magical sky-daddies to make them kill each other so that he could continue going about his ninja business.

Steve has been watching us kill each other for a few thousand years now, and he was pleased at first. But as time has passed, he has come to realize that this is taking longer than he expected. Sure, we kill each other, but we also keep reproducing at an alarming rate. So it's time for plan B. Steve has decided that very soon, in the near future (but at an undisclosed date), he will chop the Earth in half with his chocolate sword.

So how do we keep this from happening? Steve was furious about our inability to think for ourselves, which was why he wanted us to kill each other. But our inability to kill each other effectively was also infurating, which is why he has decided to chop the world in half. However, if we can prove to Steve that we can use our brains to become autonomous, independent beings, he will stop the apocalypse. Steve wants us to do this by demonstrating that we aren't so gullible to believe in all of the stories he has told various crazy people over the past couple thousand years. If we can do that, the world will be saved from Steve's chocolatey wrath.

Therefore, it is within our religious requirements that we must actively go out of our way to blaspheme and criticize all other religious institutions. However, Steve does not want us to praise him. He is a ninja and is very hard to find or see, and he prefers to be hidden. Therefore, he doesn't want us to talk about him. The best way to respect Steve and to worship him is to pretend that you believe he doesn't exist. If we talk about him too much, he may very well chop us in half.

So let's recap about the Church of the Chocolate Ninja (or Church of Steve, for short):

1: Pretend not to believe in Steve.
2: Criticize all other religions. It is the only way to save the world.

If we do not do these things, Steve will end us all.

FAQ STEVE!
Q: This all sounds very illogical and ridiculous.
A: He's a ninja; he does what he wants. If that includes defying logic and common sense, so be it.

Q: Is Steve all-powerful?
A: In the sense that he is delicious and also a ninja, yes, he is all-powerful. He can create a stone so large that he can't lift it, and then he lifts it anyway, just to prove the point.

Q: Does Steve transcend time?
A: Yes, but his favorite place to be is five minutes in the past. He usually hangs out back there.

Q: How do I join the church?
A: All you have to do is follow the two rules, and you're in automatically. It's a given that you believe in Steve (because everyone does), but you have to make sure that you pretend not to.

Q: How can I tell people about Steve if I pretend not to believe in him?
A: Steve allows people to talk about him as long as it serves the purpose of getting humankind to stop being so stupid. Here at the church, we play it safe by using the "two-for-one" rule. Every one time you talk about Steve, you have to criticize two other religions.

[Other questions about the Church of Steve? Post it in the comments.]

Nigerian pastors torture child "witches"

Seth posted this link on facebook the other day, and it has sparked quite a conversation. If you've read my opinion article here, you won't be surprised by this story. Apparently breakaway churches in Nigeria have taken the passage "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" a bit too seriously. They are torturing and killing children, claiming that they are witches in need of exorcism. David Wasserman posted a link to a video that is worth passing along. I will warn you, this is not an easy sight, but it will show you in ways that cannot be described the horrors that some people suffer because of the religious convictions of others. This is a video of 5 suspected witches being burned alive in Kenya. Is this something the Biblical Jesus would condemn? That's the topic of the comment conversation. Things to consider:

Exodus 22:18 18 "Do not allow a sorceress to live." (NIV)

Matthew 5:17-19 "17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." (NIV)

Based on this, it seems to me that the Biblical Jesus would support what they are doing. What do you think?

Bright-sided

A great interview with Barbara Ehrenreich about her new book Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Barbara Ehrenreich
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Link
Order

US Joins Theocracies in Condemning Free Speech

I just read a really good (and somewhat alarming) opinion piece from USAToday concerning Blasphemy Laws. On Blasphemy Day, one of the most popular responses I heard was "Sure free speech is in danger in the Middle East, but not in America." Wake up, people. President Obama's administration has given its support to a UN Human Rights Council initiative to limit free speech against religion. In doing so, it has "aligned itself with Egypt, which has long been criticized for prosecuting artists, activists and journalists for insulting Islam. For example, Egypt recently banned a journal that published respected poet Helmi Salem merely because one of his poems compared God to a villager who feeds ducks and milks cows."

Here are a few other cases the author gives where this kind of legislation has limited free speech:

"In Britain, it is a crime to "abuse" or "threaten" a religion under the Racial and Religious Hatred Act 2006. A 15-year-old boy was charged last year for holding up a sign outside a Scientology building declaring, 'Scientology is not a religion, it is a dangerous cult. '"

"The "blasphemy" cases include the prosecution of writers for calling Mohammed a "pedophile" because of his marriage to 6-year-old Aisha (which was consummated when she was 9). A far-right legislator in Austria, a publisher in India and a city councilman in Finland have been prosecuted for repeating this view of the historical record.

In the flipside of the cartoon controversy, Dutch prosecutors this year have brought charges against the Arab European League for a cartoon questioning the Holocaust."

This would be funny if it weren't so scary! Here is a link to the USAToday article by Jonathan Turley.

Links for the Sabbath - 10/18/09

•African Children Denounced As "Witches" By Christian Pastors | Huffington Post

Nwanaokwo Edet was one of an increasing number of children in Africa accused of witchcraft by pastors and then tortured or killed, often by family members. Pastors were involved in half of 200 cases of "witch children" reviewed by the AP, and 13 churches were named in the case files.

•The Origin of Love Christopher Hitchens

•Emperor Has No Clothes Award: "God is Not Great" | Christopher Hitchens - Freedom From Religion Foundation

"We were baffled by climatic and cataclysmic events: earthquakes, tidal waves, storms, lightning. All of this was to us terrifying. Religion works as an attempt, then, to make sense of things. We are pattern-seeking mammals, after all. It's a good thing that we are, because if we weren't pattern-seeking mammals, our curiosity would have no outlet and we wouldn't be capable of the great innovations that have liberated us from so many things, including religion. It's argued by some: "Well, then, give it some credit." The late Steven Jay Gould said, "Let's consider religion in one corner and the study of science and reason in another--consider them nonoverlapping magisteria. One does one, one does the other, there's no need for a conflict." I think this has become--especially with the extraordinary revolution that we've been through in the last 20 years or so in the human and natural sciences, with the work of Richard Dawkins and Steven Weinberg, Daniel Dennett, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking, of course, and many others, a point where we have to say no, this stuff is incompatible--in fact, I prefer to say irreconcilable--with reason, acquisition of knowledge and recent deployment of it.

And I think I've found a way. I'm a nonscientist, who's profited a lot from the studying of this discussion, of putting it to a lay audience in such a way as can be clearly understood. If you like, I'll share it with you. Do you want me to share? Sharing is such a lovely word, isn't it?..." A MUST READ

•Friend Of Queens Gay Bashers: Jack Price Had It Coming (This is the tatoo guy story) pt.1
Tatoo guy shows up to counter protest pt. 2 | Joe. My. God.
 

•An Open Letter to Bill Maher on Vaccinations | Michael Shermer, Editor of Skeptic magazine.

•If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays, He Would Have Given Me The Warmth And Compassion To Do So | The Onion

•Simon Singh wins leave to appeal in BCA libel case | Index on Censorship

•Texas man faces execution after jurors consult Bible to decide fate | Telegraph.co.uk

"At one point, a juror reportedly read aloud from a copy, including the passage: 'And if he smite him with an instrument of iron, so that he die, he is a murderer: the murderer shall surely be put to death.'"

•The Catholic Church's Next Scandal | James Carroll - The Daily Beast

•The impotence of positive thinking | tampabay.com

The Secret became a runaway bestseller by telling readers that they could have anything they want just by imagining it. The book was obviously unadulterated bunk, but it sold madly as people grasped at any chance to better their lives. One has to wonder if such magical thinking would have been so popular if people felt they had temporal power to change the conditions of their work and prospects.

•Feynman 'Fun to Imagine' 4: Magnets (and 'Why?' questions...)

Free-Thinking Cat Shits Outside The Box | The Onion

There is no society in human history that ever suffered because its people became too reasonable. - Sam Harris | Edge.org

Are you really a Christian?

One of my favorite youtube users of all time: Thunderf00t

Blasphemy Friday

Bigot fails at Bible-literacy, wins at irony

This may not be your run-of-the-mill Blasphemy Friday content, but I thought it was worth posting. After his friend Daniel Rodriguez allegedly beat a gay man severely (breaking his jaw and rib and lacerating his spleen), the individual pictured above was interviewed on TV (see below), and displayed his tattoo of Leviticus 18:22. This verse states, "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a woman. It is an abomination." The blasphemy (and the irony) is in the tattoo. If this idiot had read the next chapter of Leviticus, he would know that getting a tattoo also defies Jewish law: "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD." (Leviticus 19:28). That is an epic (and blasphemous) fail.

Thursdays with Seth #1

Welcome to the first edition of Thursdays with Seth, our recent addition to the UNIFI blog! This is a new segment we will be running where I, Seth Coster, the finance director of UNIFI, will drink a shitload of coffee and then furiously muse about a variety of occurrences that have happened over the past week. Then, I'll give you an atheist finance tip of the week. I am only doing this once per week, so these posts may be longish(ly amazing). Let's get started!

Sex Priest (With Potatoes)
I was eating dinner at the dining center and accidentally sat by a horde of Bible humpsters. Yes, I am suggesting that they hump Bibles. One of these heroes of righteousness happened to be a full-fledged priest, complete with a white collar. The friend I was waiting for arrived and sat down across from me, next to the priest, and began ranting about someone she knew who had been having sex with random strangers. The priest pretended not to hear... but he knew.

Which made me wonder: would God, if he wasn't imaginary, want this priest to speak up? Or would he want the priest to continue shoveling potatoes into his mouth and pretend that nothing was happening? I guess we'll never know. That is, unless God tells a crazy person on a mountain top. THOU SHALT NOT SHOVELETH MASHED POTATOES INTO THINE MOUTH WHILST ADJACENT HEATHENS SPEAKETH OF FORNICATION!

The Bible: Not Just for Beating!
I need to find someone who can make comics.

Frame 1: A zealot is holding a Bible aloft, beating it furiously with one hand while pointing at passers-by and shouting various condemnations at them.
Frame 2: A calm, rational person arrives on the scene and looks at the zealot for a moment.
Frame 3: A stare-down ensues (while the zealot continues beating the Bible)
Frame 4: The rational person takes the Bible from the zealot's hands and opens it.
Frame 5: The zealot says, startled, "I didn't know it did that!"

This comic idea ran through my head as I was considering how anti-Christian many Christians in the U.S. tend to be. Greed? Condeming people? Disapproving of progressive social programs that help the poor? Laziness? Come on. Jesus would have puked in his tiny magic underpants if he had seen some of these people today. If you claim to be a Christian, at least read the damn Bible!

Monk Sketch-Bag
A monk approached me on campus the other day and offered me a book on meditation. I asked, "Why would I want to meditate?" He said, "It frees us from our thoughts." I couldn't figure out why that would be a good thing. I asked, "So you're just giving these books out?" He said, "Yes, but we do accept donations in exchange for the books." I paused for a moment.

"So you're selling them?"

"No, you can have it for free if you want, but we are very poor and don't have much, so any contribution you can make would be appreciated." I looked at him briefly and said, "I don't have any cash." He then reached into his sketchy monk bag (referred to in Monk circles as a Sketch-Bag) and pulled out a credit card swiper. I kid you not. "We can just swipe your card right through here!"

The fact that he was a monk made me trust him even less than I would have if he was some random dude with no teeth. I gave the book back. "No... Actually I think I'm good." I have no qualms with not being free from my thoughts. I then heroically scooted off into the sunset.

Correlation, Causation, and a Blood-Faced Wizard
I saw Gandalf walking across campus. Actually, it was a guy with a crutch, a robe, a beard, and fake blood smeared all over his face. He yelled at me, "HEY!" I almost crapped my jeans, but then I realized that with his crutch, he would never be able to catch my scooter. "WHAT?" I shouted back.

"You must like haunted houses," he said.

"Why would you think that?" I asked. He looked at me for a second and responded, "You have a scooter. Guys with scooters like haunted houses." I paused to think and realized that he was, in fact, correct. I like haunted houses, I ride a scooter, and I am a guy. These three things happening simultaneously could not have been a coincidence. As a Pastafarian, I cannot deny that correlation always implies causation, even when you use a guess to create the correlation in the first place.

Skeletons Don't Need Clothes
Why do we bury dead people in nice clothes? Is this why suits are so damn expensive? How much cheaper would formal wear be if we stopped throwing it into the ground by the truckload? These people are dead. They don't need clothes! And they certainly won't be taking their clothes to heaven with them, because if anything, they'd be going to hell. I'm just operating on the assumption that they have all rejected at least one monotheistic religion in their lives. And guess what? Suits burn in hell.

Mouth Burns
Speaking of things burning in hell, hot chocolate is far less delicious when you are in agonizing pain. If God exists, why does he allow hot chocolate to be so hot?

God Prank
Every now and then, something happens that makes me question whether or not a vengeful deity is looking down on me and randomly jamming his finger into the orifices of routine that make up my life. Today I discovered that in one of my notebooks, about 30% of the pages are missing perforations. But it's hard to see, so I keep trying to tear out non-perforated pages, leading to a mess of torn paper and a broken heart. The only explanation for this is that, because I am a godless moron, God has decided to inject an inordinate amount of mayhem and terror into my life by making my study sessions slightly annoying. Somebody save me.

Atheist Finance Tip of the Week:
Hey! Are you an atheist with no moral foundation and a huge pile of money? Do you want to make that huge pile of money more huge? Then maybe you should think about investing in SIN FUNDS! Or... should you? You are probably asking yourself, "Hey, self! What the hell is a sin fund?" Well if you don't know, you're asking the wrong person. Luckily, I'm here to set you straight.

There are two types of "moral investing." You can dump your money into SOCIAL CONSCIENCE FUNDS, which are mutual funds that diversify into various "good" companies. Social conscience funds look for assets that relate to charities, eco-friendly companies, and other hippie-ish stuff. One example is the Parnassus Fund. To give you a picture of how well social conscience funds do, between June of 2007 and October of 2008, the Parnassus fund went from $37.00 per share down to $27.00 per share. That's a decrease of 27%.

The alternative, of course, is Sin Funds. They diversify into gambling, alcohol, tobacco, and military assets. Why military? Just because social conscience funds avoid military investments. If the good people avoid it, it must be bad! Also, it turns out that killing people is bad. The most popular Sin Fund is called the Vice Fund. Let's check the performance of the Vice Fund for the same time period as we looked at with the Parnassus Fund. It declined from $20.20 down to $13.78, or a decline of 32%.

As it turns out, both Sin Funds and Social Conscience funds get the crap kicked out of them in recessions. For some closure, let's do a quick check on some more recent returns between these two funds. We'll look at October 2008 through October of 2009.

Parnassus Fund: $25.69 to $33.63 (increase of 31%)
Vice Fund: $13.75 to $14.32 (increase of 7%)

At least in recent times, the Parnassus Fund has done much better than the Vice fund, both in terms of losses and gains. The moral of the story: having morals pays off (financially). However, both funds are expected to increase over time, and the recent crash is not what we would call typical market behavior. We'll have to go back and check in a couple years to see how these funds behave under more normal market conditions, if there is such a thing anymore.

It appears, then, that at least right now, investing in social conscience funds may be more profitable than investing in sin funds. Don't take it for granted, though, because the future prices of any assets as these are, at the core, unpredictable. So if you want to be the bad guy, go ahead and dump some money into a sin fund, and see what happens!

See you next Thursday!

Halloween Bonfire

There is no better way to celebrate the fall season than with a nice, big bonfire and some hot cider. Pastor Marc Grizzard agrees. He's the pastor of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, NC, and he has decided that his church will be celebrating Halloween with a book burning (I apologize for the sound track on the website). They will burn numerous translations of the Bible that are not the King James Version (which is the only version Mr. Grizzard thinks is the true word of god). Also up for cremation are:
"Satan's popular books written by heretics like Westcott & Hort , Bruce Metzger, Billy Graham , Rick Warren , Bill Hybels , John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll , John Piper, Chuck Colson, Tony Evans, Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swagart, Mark Driskol, Franklin Graham , Bill Bright, Tim Lahaye, Paula White, T.D. Jakes, Benny Hinn , Joyce Myers, Brian McLaren, Robert Schuller, Mother Teresa , The Pope , Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Donald Miller, Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning, William Young, etc" as well as "Satan's music such as country, rap, rock, pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel, contempory Christian, jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc."

It sounds like it should be a good time, so if you're in the Canton, NC area and you're in the mood for a good book burning, head over to the Amazing Grace Baptist Church on Halloween from "7:00 PM - Till"

What is it about women and religion?

This is news to me, but apparently women are (and have always been as far as we can tell) more likely to be religious than men. This article from doublex.com explains it a bit better than I could, but basically there is some new research from Trinity College that suggests that while the number of men who are leaving organized religion is increasing rather quickly, women are generally more devoted to their religion.

They also cited research done by Michael Shermer: "women explain their belief in “emotional” terms (“emotional comfort, a desire for meaning and purpose in life”), while men express “rational” bases for belief (citing intelligent design and the notion that “without God there is no basis for morality, existence of evil, pain, and suffering”). [Shermer] says that he chalks up the greater number of male nonbelievers to the fact that “it's a guy thing to obsess about the empirical nature of the world.” In other words, atheism is from Mars, Wicca is from Venus. In any case, he sees religiosity as synonymous with conventionality, which women have long been under the yoke to preserve. Women's association of conformity with survival traverses the disciplines when researchers agonize about our greater piety."

The phenomenon could be either biological (religious genes are more likely to allow the woman to gain the trust of others) or psychological (think of that girl you know who tends to find herself in a harmful relationship, then apply that concept to the gender as a whole). Either way, it partially explains why nonbelievers are stereotyped as nerdy men.

I love the BBC

"These people suffer from one of the strangest of all brain disorders; it makes them think they have been touched by God."

This is a 6 part series called "God on the Brain" which attempts to look at the origins of theism in the mind, and asks the question, "Could it be that the physical makeup of our brain programs us to believe in God?"



Here is a link to the second video.

Links for the Sabbath - 10/11/09

• Discorvering Ardi (tonight at 9 pm)| Discovery Channel (video previews) (tip to my mom)

Ardipithecus - a 4.4-million year old fossil from Ethiopia - unlocks secrets to our human past. "Discovering Ardi" chronicles 17 years of research by an international team of scientists on the world?s oldest hominid skeleton.

• God is not the Creator, claims academic | Telegraph.co.uk

"Professor Ellen van Wolde, a respected Old Testament scholar and author, claims the first sentence of Genesis 'in the beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth' is not a true translation of the Hebrew.
...
The first sentence should now read 'in the beginning God separated the Heaven and the Earth.'"

• Bill Maher gets schooled on vaccines by Bill Frist (as he damn well should!)


• Happy National Coming Out Day!!!!!
(youtube)

• Sell the Vatican!!!


• Atheists oppose "faith healing" provisions in health care bills | Los Angeles Chronicle

• Thai Buddhists seek blasphemy law to punish offences against their faith | reuters.com

• Church Loses Fight Over Sealed Papers | The Wall Street Journal

"The materials were filed in 23 lawsuits against the Catholic diocese by parishioners during the 1990s, alleging that the church failed to supervise its priests and reassigned those suspected of abusing children. The cases were settled in 2001, as the Catholic abuse scandal grew in national prominence.
The sealed documents are said to include transcripts of depositions of church officials, including Cardinal Edward Egan, and files from the investigation of priests accused of abuse during the 1960s and 1970s. A 2002 article in the Hartford (Conn.) Courant described some of the documents, which the newspaper said it obtained from sources it didn't name."

• Child bride's nightmare after divorce | CNN

"But based on the principles of Shariah law, her husband was compensated, not prosecuted. Nujood was ordered to pay him more than $200 -- a huge amount in a country where the United Nations Development Programme says 15.7 percent of the population lives on less than $1 a day."

Should we be surprised? After all, Islam was founded by a pedophile. 

• Tony Blair groups atheists with violent religious extremists in Georgetown speech | examiner.com

• They Might Be Giants - Science is Real (New Album "Here Comes Science" on Amazon)(tip to Luke W)

"Every day is the Sabbath to me. All pure water is holy water, and this earth is a celestial abode." - John Burroughs

Blasphemy Friday: Imagine

I do not hide from the fact that for Blasphemy Day I drew pictures of the WTCs with planes and the slogan "Imagine No Religion" inscribed below them.  If anyone has a a picture of my horrible rendition of the following poster I am not opposed to it being posted.

I'm not sure why  why this was taken to be one of the more offensive things on blasphemy day? Nevertheless, I do not regret chalking it. I will defer as I often do to a favorite author of mine, Sam Harris, and his opinion on the matter:

"The men who committed the atrocities of September 11 were certainly not "cowards," as they were repeatedly described in the Western media, nor were they lunatics in any ordinary sense. They were men of faith—perfect faith, as it turns out—and this, it must finally be acknowledged, is a terrible thing to be."

Why do I bring up this specific slogan today? Well, today is John Lennon's birthday. He, more than likely, is not the originator of the slogan "Imagine no religion," but it cannot be denied that he put the slogan in a context and made it popular. For this, John Lennon's Imagine is the Blasphemy Friday entry for the week.


Link to video for our Facebook viewers.

On a side note the verse "It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools." - Ecclesiastes 7:5, was taken from a website giving a Christian perspective on the song. Just thought that was interesting.

Parents in Prayer death sentenced

Dale and Leilani Neumann have been sentenced to 10 years probation and 30 days/year in jail for the next six years (basically six months of jail time) for refusing to take their daughter Madeline to the hospital. She died in agony of complications from her undiagnosed diabetes. Someone called 911 after she stopped breathing. Watch for my article in the Northern Iowan tomorrow concerning these two ignorant, despicable individuals. In keeping with the new fad of "tolerance," I ask whether we should tolerate their beliefs.

Full article here, check the NI tomorrow for my opinion piece (and please pardon my shameless self-promotion).

Steven Colbert, you studly, studly man

Yesterday I saw this link on reddit. It's about Conservapedia, and their plan to rewrite the Bible to take out "liberal" passages or suggestions within it. At the time, I laughed a little and kept on surfing the web. Tonight I just found out that Steven Colbert mentioned this on his show and asked to be written in to the new version of the Bible. The result? He broke Conservapedia—the web site received so much traffic, it crashed while Colbert was still talking about it. Sometimes the amount of power that man wields is scary, but right now I think it’s hilarious! I hope someone writes him into Revelation…

The Greatest Show on Earth

I just saw this article in the Independent: it's an interview with Dawkins and a short review of his book. Here is a link to the full article.

The author of the article, Emma Townshend, has a book coming out on the 5th of November called Darwin's Dogs: How Darwin's Pets Helped Form a World-Changing Theory of Evolution. I thought the article was both fair and entertaining:

"Richard Dawkins is in the middle of London's Natural History Museum, telling me about the applications on his iPhone. Sitting in the museum café, he holds the phone up to his mouth and tips back his head to show me how he can drink a virtual "pint" of Carling on screen, the beer draining as the phone tips further. Which is not exactly what I was expecting.

Dawkins has the enthusiasm of a teenage geek for new technology. "I love my iPhone," he confesses. "I'm on my third already." Then he shows me another phone app, this time simulating Darwinian natural selection. As each generation of a populace is born, the appearance of the group of individuals on screen varies. As Sir David Attenborough walks past and says hello, I feel secretly relieved we aren't still laughing at the lager trick. "Do you find it difficult to switch off from technology?" "Aha, yes," he says with a dark chuckle, straightaway. And do you ever get in trouble for that? He laughs again.

To most observers, Dawkins is the textbook aggressive champion of evolutionary theory. His new book, The Greatest Show on Earth, is intended to amass the scientific testimony for evolution in one place, answering creationist critics who say there is no evidence that evolution by natural selection has ever taken place. In person, Dawkins fails to live up to the "aggressive" label..."

Links for the Sabbath - 10/04/09

• Areopagitica
• On Liberty
• The introduction to Age of Reason:

"TO MY FELLOW-CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:
I PUT the following work under your protection. It contains my opinions upon Religion. You will do me the justice to remember, that I have always strenuously supported the Right of every Man to his own opinion, however different that opinion might be to mine. He who denies to another this right, makes a slave of himself to his present opinion, because he precludes himself the right of changing it.
The most formidable weapon against errors of every kind is Reason. I have never used any other, and I trust I never shall.
Your affectionate friend and fellow-citizen,
THOMAS PAINE"

If you were opposed to Blasphemy Week because you were offended that your beliefs were attacked I suggest you read this article from the World Net Daily (yes, I'm linking to a WND article!) It is about how the bible is a target of censorship. Not that I agree with the entirety of this article, but I post it to prove that BD should be important to you as well.
• Bible verses regarded as hate literature | World Net Daily

• The Neural Correlates of Religious and Nonreligious Belief | PLoS ONE - Harris et al.    

"A comparison of both stimulus categories suggests that religious thinking is more associated with brain regions that govern emotion, self-representation, and cognitive conflict, while thinking about ordinary facts is more reliant upon memory retrieval networks."

Richard Dawkins on Real Time with Bill Maher (10-2-09)

• Blasphemy Day Video | The Northern-Iowan

• HuffPo still pushing antivax nonsense | Bad Astronomy

• Children's writer Philip Pullman ranked second on US banned books list | guardian.co.uk

"Pullman's trilogy was the second most commonly attacked, a result, the ALA believes, of an organised campaign that the anti-defamation group the Catholic League launched against the film version of The Golden Compass."

• JK Rowling denied top US honour | BBC News

Harry Potter author JK Rowling missed out on a top honour because some US politicians believed she "encouraged witchcraft", it has been claimed.

 • Where Have All the Christians Gone? | FOXNews.com

• My son is dating an atheist what should i do? | Yahoo! Answers

My blasphemy.

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
– Emo Philips

A Defense of Free Speech

"Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself." -Salman Rushdie

It was 11:00 on Wednesday night and I was terrified. In under an hour, I'd have to vacate the protection of the Union and trek home. I've never been so frightened to be on my own campus. Within the last twenty four hours, I had a man lunge at me, threats were made to attack UNIFI members, and my Residence Life Coordinator had warned me not to be alone at night. I was a few short hours removed from a meet-up that brought University Police to the Union. 11:15 rolled around and the Union night manager approached to assure I'd have an escort to get back to my room.

My crime? Exercising free speech on the sidewalks of UNI.

Earlier that day my mother had sent me a text asking if it was all worth it. After a quick moment of reflection, I confidently told her nothing had ever been more worth it. Our point was to show the importance of free speech and we inadvertently showed the forces against it.

More than anything, I'm disappointed in UNI today. I'm disappointed in the Campbell Hall RA who told me it was "only due to [her] current exhaustion that [she was] not out removing those comments;" I'm disappointed in the Northern Iowan for not finding room for the Mohammad cartoon when the most circulated papers in the country could; I'm disappointed in the number of people who said "I support free speech but…" There is no limit to free speech. Free speech doesn't end when it starts to offend. Free speech is an all or nothing proposition.

That was the point UNIFI was trying to make on Wednesday. Critics asked why we didn't just write "support free speech" or tamer words with "question everything" next to it. We didn't because everyone supports free speech until it starts to offend them. It's only when their arbitrary line in the sand is crossed that free speech isn't appealing. That's why blasphemy still leads to death threats in our own country. That's why, in our own backyard, the Des Moines Area Regional Transit Authority banned a blasphemous advertisement from their buses.

I'm not asking anyone to respect our opinions; I probably don't respect yours. But respect people, respect why we did what we did, and most importantly, respect our right to free speech. When you start censoring free speech, it's never going to stop where you want it to.

Last week I left you with a quote from Salman Rushdie, "the moment you declare a set of ideas to be immune from criticism, satire, derision, or contempt, freedom of thought becomes impossible." Through the threats, the washouts, and the chalking over, you have made it obvious. The freedom of thought is impossible at the University of Northern Iowa.

In Dissent of "Blasphemy Day"

I feel it is appropriate that since I have been debating and airing my grievances on Blasphemy Day to various members of UNIFI, via Facebook, I should present my thoughts and misgivings here on the UNIFI blog while I still have access to it.

I will put it simply. I did not like Blasphemy Day. In fact, I hated Blasphemy Day. Not only was it childish, but it seemed to me to be nothing more than giving a chance for those in UNIFI and its sympathizers to unleash the hatred and contempt they have in their heart toward religious people. Whether this was intentional or not, and I hope it wasn’t, that is what I believed went down. This was not a celebration and manifestation of free speech nor was it an opportunity to present the hypothesis that ideas should not be safe from ridicule. It was an exercise in hatred.

It was embarrassing.


And this childish attitude continues to manifest itself in the response to the dissenting opinions both from within and without. Basically those who did this unleashed the nasty rhetoric, hide behind “free speech” and then brand those who disagree as being intolerant or anti-free speech or missing “the point.”


No, I don’t believe they missed the point at all. The point was to get your ya-ya’s out by insulting anyone with any kind of religious inclination and then not taking responsibility for the subsequent blowup. Cory D. admitted that he took it too far by writing “Fuck Jesus Christ” on the sidewalk in chalk, yet in the sentence above wrote “also heard a rumor of someone drawing a picture of Jesus with a penis in his mouth. If I had known about this, I would have removed it myself.” While Cory is to be commended for his admitted of this, it should be pointed out to him that while it is probably true that the UNIFI hierarchy did not write this, it is the UNIFI organization that fostered and nurtured the conditions for this to occur. You guys set the environment, then you are shocked, shocked I tell you, when someone from within or without the organization draws Christ giving a blowjob.

You all have freedom of speech to do whatever you want. This is true. But with any freedom comes responsibility. If you have the idea that you will be as offensive as possible as a group, then you should not be surprised when someone piggybacks your idea, takes it further and then the public will turn around and associate it with you. Or as the Electric Light Orchestra once sang “You made the wine now you drink the cup.”

Ah, but you will say, “you’ve missed the point!” John B. wrote in his blog entry that “the content of the chalkings had absolutely nothing to do with our message.” Clearly either UNIFI does not understand the mind of the religious person or does not care to. Dealing with the mind of a religious devotee can be a very challenging proposition. In the case of religion, a persons humanness can get so wrapped up in the religious concept that much untangling would have to be required in any conversation with them.

So with this in mind, I ask you, how were people of that mindset supposed to even see the point, much less “get it?” Speaking as a former uber-Calvinist Fundamentalist I can tell you that people who have so united their humanness to the religious idea that they don’t know where they end and where the idea begins will not even begin to get the point. They see a sign that says “Fuck Jesus Christ” then they see red. But that seems to be what you wanted wasn’t it?

What we have seen this week is UNIFI’s version of Orwell’s Two Minute Hate. Only you made it campus wide and not in a projector room. You made it 24 hours instead of two minutes. Instead of Emmanuel Goldstein you pictured every religious person on campus. And instead of propaganda being given to you by an outside force, you made your own propaganda from the inside.

Here is what I mean: You have constructed a worldview where every religion and every religious person is, stripped to the core, totalitarian, bigoted, intolerant, hell-bent on persecuting anyone who doesn’t agree with them, and being for lack of a better word, just vile people. Then you all go out, in the name of logic and reason of course, and be as offensive as possible in your visuals. Then when some Christians get so bent out of shape that they rip down the posters or scuff out the chalk, you say “See? They are all like that!” Then you hate them all-the-more.

Ah, but you say “We have Free Speech!” Yes you do. To a point. John B. wrote to me in a discussion of blasphemy day that “When it comes to just WORDS there is no such thing as going too far.” Wrong. There is such a thing as “fighting words,” which was defined by the Supreme Court, in the 1942 case of Chaplinsky vs. New Hampshire in which the court said “There are certain well-defined and narrowly limited classes of speech, the prevention and punishment of which have never been thought to raise any constitutional problem. These include the lewd and obscene, the profane, the libelous, and the insulting or "fighting words" those which by their very utterance inflict injury or tend to incite an immediate breach of the peace.” I do not like any restriction of freedom of speech. But what would happen if you were out there on Blasphemy Day writing up something that said “Fuck Jesus Christ” and some fundies were walking along. They see you do that, say “Them’s fightin’ words” and proceed to kick the crap out of you. Or worse, what about that gathering by the union. Things get heated, a UNIFI member says something akin to “Fuck Jesus Christ” and a huge fight breaks out. What would happen in those situations? The UNIFIer would get arrested because in the eyes of the law the UNIFIer would have brought it on. And then as a consequence there would be no UNIFI in the eyes of the University.


In that case you would claim persecution. But the thing is in this 21st Century Environment, a person does not get persecuted because of their idea. They get persecuted because they are acting like an ass. If you want to act like an ass, as some of the chalk indicated that you do, then you may expect to get treated like an ass.


I suppose that is the reason I am writing this. I see UNIFI going down the road toward becoming a hate group that expresses the same intolerance that it so despises in religion. I write because I don’t like it. I write because I still regard myself as being a friend of the group. And as a friend, I want only good things for UNIFI. Blasphemy Day angered me greatly because I know UNIFI can be so much more. I expect better from you all than that. Why didn’t you take the opportunity to have a symposium or lecture or panel discussion on such topics as “An Idiots Guide to Atheism” or “Ethics AND Atheism” or a debate between a UNIFIer and someone from InnerVarsity or something on a hot button issue on the day?


This is very hard for me to write. I know I stand to lose prestige or even friendships because of my posting this. But again, I see myself as a friend of UNIFI. And if I see a friend of mine going down the road to hurting themselves, do I not have the obligation to yell “stop?” And do I not have the obligation not to mince words with you? A friend should be someone who gives it to you straight as they see things. To do any less than that would not be being a friend to you. I beseech you, turn back. To not do so runs the risk of giving the group a reputation that it does not want and may even lead to its nonexistence.

Yours,

Tyler Vincent.

The Point of Blasphemy Day

Blasphemy Day was a huge success in one way, and not quite a success in another way. It was a huge success in the way it was executed, and the way it got people talking. The “not quite a success” is because I think most people missed the point. I’ve been participating in several discussions of the event on facebook, so I guess I can summarize here, trying to be as brief as possible.

What I keep hearing is that it went too far. I’ve seen this sentiment expressed by opponents and proponents alike.

“Yes, there should be free speech but…”
“Well, I agree with free speech however…”
“…but they didn’t have to…”

You can’t support free speech up to a point. That’s not free speech (and I’m referring only to written and spoken words used to express opinions). The organizers of the event were aware of this key fact: most people don’t ACTUALLY believe in free speech. They believe in free speech UNTIL it offends them. They believe in free speech UNTIL they find it tasteless, classless, insulting, inane, or offensive. I’m sorry people, but no one has an obligation to be nice, tasteful, tactful, etc. when they express their opinions. You can be as verbally disgusting as you want. Polite society may consider it a faux pas, but it should not be censored. No one has the right to not be offended.

Some people would then say, “Well, yes, it should be your right to say whatever, but say it in a constructive way. You didn’t have to be so vulgar. You’re not going to win any hearts and minds that way.” You’re still missing the point. We weren’t trying to win hearts and minds. Can’t see the forest for the trees is a VERY apt metaphor here. The actual content of the chalking was completely meaningless. That’s where everybody missed it. You could have replaced the references to deities or religions with “badgers.” But that wouldn’t have made the point as well because FAR fewer people would have been offended by “FUCK BADGERS” chalked on the sidewalk, and many would have thought it was funny. There’s a t-shirt in The Onion’s online store (that I wanna get) that reads, “Owls are assholes.” I know for a fact that many people would find that pretty freakin’ funny. If the shirt read, “Jesus is an asshole,” fewer people would find it funny. From your personal perspective, there may be a difference between these two statements and there’s nothing wrong with that. From a free speech standpoint, there ABSOLUTELY IS NOT.

None of the UNIFIers actually hates Jesus (AFAIK). Hell, some of us might not even think he was an actual person. None of us really has a reason to say “fuck Jesus Christ.” We didn’t want to express hostility towards any deity, or express any anger at religion. In fact, some of the chalkers were even uncomfortable with the content. The point was not to piss people off out of spite, or meanness. The content had absolutely nothing to do with the message. I wish I could type that sentence 50 times, because people's brains are still gonna gloss over it, so let me say it again: the content of the chalkings had absolutely nothing to do with our message. The message is that it doesn’t matter what is being said, we all have a responsibility to protect the right to say it. After your initial reaction, you have to look past the content. The content was chosen precisely because the organizers knew that of all the things you could choose to be disrespectful to, religious ideas and characters would be the ones that would spark debate.

The United Nations actually passed a “human rights” resolution against “defamation of religion.” This, my friends, is a step back into the Dark Ages. We need to protect people not ideas. This is the difference between Medieval Europe and modern western civilization. This is the difference between life in Afganistan under the Taliban and life in the United States. The idea that by speaking and writing words, UNIFI has committed human rights violations is beyond ridiculous.

You can’t support free speech, but say that it went too far. That implies that you think it shouldn’t have been said. And truthfully, whether you think something should have been said or not, or whether you think it should have been said in the way that it was said, is irrelevant to a discussion about free speech. And free speech is the actual discussion that brought Blasphemy Day into being. All the posts by opponents of the event are about how the chalking disgusted you, or how you think they went too far. But how it made you FEEL is not really the meat of topic. It serves to illuminate the point, but it is not THE point. The First Amendment makes no reference to whether something hurts your feelings, or disgusts you, and that was intentional.

My thoughts on Blasphemy Day

DISCLAIMER: What follows is not the opinion of UNI Freethinkers and Inquirers, but of Cory Derringer, one member and officer. I want to get that out of the way for our new readers, because I have a feeling we will have a few new readers who may be confused by what I’m going to say. I'm going to discuss my experiences with the reactions to the event, what (in my opinion) we could have done better, and why overall I think Blasphemy Day was an awesome event.

There has been a lot of campus buzz about this, and a lot of facebook buzz (I had one status with 70 comments Wednesday evening). With the possible exception of Darwin Week, I don't think we've ever had an event that garnered as much student interest. I know that this is the most we've been mentioned this year, but it's not all good press. One of my friends wrote on my wall, "I think you can chalk [the extensive conversations] up as unifi being the most hated group on campus" and there may be some truth to that; we pissed off a lot of people. It's possible that we polarized the campus to some extent, and that most of them are not on the side of free speech. In fact, I was talking to someone yesterday who told me that to him, Christianity was more important than free speech. At least he is intellectually honest about it, right? We need to keep talking about this amongst our peers and classmates. Don't just let it die right away, keep the discussions going.

Okay, now we get to the things that I think we could be doing better. I have hear the rumor that, "There was BASIC chalk that was defaced also." I think I speak on behalf of all the officers when I say that this is not ok at all. If this happened and that person is reading this, know that bullshit like that can take away our legitimacy in a hurry. The point here is that we have the moral high ground because they were the ones who were suppressing our free speech. Can you imagine the negative impact it would have had on the civil rights movement if Dr. King threw a single punch at another individual? That is what retaliation would do to us, it takes away our moral high ground, it makes our efforts seem illegitimate and makes us look like hypocrites. I sincerely hope this rumor is not true, because as an organization we do stand for free speech, and that of course includes letting others voice their opinions.

I also heard a rumor of someone drawing a picture of Jesus with a penis in his mouth. If I had known about this, I would have removed it myself. Again, I don't know if this is true, but it does not help the cause. I myself got carried away at the opportunity to take a cheap shot at religion: I should have realized that "FUCK JESUS CHRIST (defend free speech)" is too far over the line as well. While this is speech that should be protected, I should have realized that for our circumstances this was a mistake. It was bad form, and I apologize for that.

Now to the good news: campus has exploded with conversations about this! Yesterday I had a 20 minute long public conversation with the street preacher after Trevor left, and I think it generated a little more interest and conversation (when I had to leave to go to class, some of the 50 people watching were making disappointed noises :D). When I got back, there was an angry mob of people talking about blasphemy, free speech, religion and atheism! I know David and I each had a small army of people arguing with us, and at one point I looked over to see Trevor in a conversation of his own with what must have been 10 people. This was my favorite part of the day, and to be honest, my favorite part of the entire year so far. I know we were holding our own because we are in the right here, and I want you to know that I am proud of our members who stood with heads held high and had these discussions with people who don’t always appreciate our point of view.

Today after my Religion and Ethics class, I had a twenty minute conversation with ten or so individuals and the professor concerning free speech and blasphemy, and although most of them disagreed with us and our tactics, we were generally able to establish a common appreciation for free speech. Conversations in or after class are always a good thing; how many student groups can say that they are generating that kind of attention? I think we’re the only one, ladies and gentlemen. Again, not all of it is positive, but we are definitely generating a buzz and making people think! On the whole, I have never been more proud to call myself a Freethinker, or to be associated with this group. Thanks to everyone who was involved in this, and I think we should give Trevor some credit for planning because this was his baby. Well done, everyone, now keep talking about it!